


Qui Totum Vult Totum Perdit (he who wants everything, loses everything)

by sammyspreadyourwings



Series: Ad Astra per Aspera [5]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Anxiety, Budding Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Full Shift Werewolves, Gen, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pre-Slash, Time Skips, Werewolf Mates, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 18:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18555445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/pseuds/sammyspreadyourwings
Summary: Brian has a realization and he doesn't handle it well.





	Qui Totum Vult Totum Perdit (he who wants everything, loses everything)

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing tags? In my supernatural AU? It's more likely than you think. Tags are not as they seem. Enjoy!

They never did discuss what happened in May.

Brian pauses, the strawberry halfway to his lips. He’s not sure where the thought came from, but he quickly dismisses it. Those had been a very long two weeks, and if they can move on without having spoken about it? Well, he’s not going to be the one to bring it up.  The strawberry is nearly out of season, and he grimaces at the soft texture.

In the living room, Roger squawks and two thuds echo in quick succession. Brian grabs his snack and pads into the doorway. Freddie has lifted his paints and water cup away from the coffee table. Roger’s leg kicks out to where they would’ve been, and Brian is relieved they won’t have a mess to clean up. John wrestles with Roger and they both roll out from where they were hidden by the couch.

Roger ends up on the bottom, despite his clear advantage. John straddles his hips and pins Roger’s arms above his head. They’re grinning and flushed. It makes Brian roll his eyes when he catches the flash of arousal from one of them. He nearly drops the bowl when he realizes his own interest.

Oh no.

Brian sniffs the air again. Instead of Roger’s old blood smell and John’s rainy one, there’s something else to it. He can’t explain it, but he knows what it means.

_Mates._

John twists and raises an eyebrow at him. Brian’s mouth goes dry and he wants to lay belly up.

“You okay, Brimi?”

He clears his throat and ignores the happy feeling welling in his chest at the thought of John finally uses Freddie’s favored nickname on him. Roger has also caught on to something behind odd and he’s sitting up on his elbow now.

“I just remembered; I was supposed to meet up with someone for a study session.”

“I thought you didn’t have any school work to worry about this weekend?” Roger furrows his brow.

“No,” Brian bites his cheek, “but I offered to help her study because she’s struggling in the class, I took last semester.”

“Oh, that Chrissie girl?”

He’s not entirely sure what to make of that tone of Roger’s. John is still watching him with curiosity. Brian coughs again, which only causes John to narrow his eyes further and catch Freddie’s attention.

“Oh, Bri, dear. We all know what study session is code for. Good for you! Chrissie is a lovely girl.”

“You’ve met her?” Roger cries at the same time Brian waves his arms frantically, “it’s not like that at all!”

“Of course not,” Freddie winks at him, “and I have. A lovely girl even though I wouldn’t have taken her to be proud about being a lykan.”

Roger’s gaze whips to him. Brian wants to whine because this is the exact opposite of what should be happening. His stomach revolts at the idea of being with anyone but his chosen mates (and apparently his heart has decided to choose without giving his brain a memo). He doesn’t get why Roger is so upset about it, but he can’t be near anyone right now.

He knows that words he doesn’t want to tumble out would dance on the tip of his tongue and because he’s a terrible liar and lives with two people with compulsion powers, he doesn’t want to risk it. Brian apologizes to Roger and Freddie mentally because they try not to do it intentionally. Instead, he returns to the kitchen, grabs his bag and hurries out of the flat.

They know he’s running because he’s ignoring their calls when he can hear them clearly. It hurts him to do so, and he knows he’s primed everyone for an argument because he shouldn’t just leave but also, it’s really none of Roger’s concern who he sees. (That’s a lie but Brian hasn’t really accepted what it means for him yet).

He ignores the burn at the back of his throat.

* * *

Chrissie finds him after the sun has set and the crescent moon rose. He paces around, his tail flicking nervously and ears twitching at every sound.

“I wondered if you would wander out here,” she sits on the bench.

Brian flattens his ears.

“Freddie found me I don’t know how and frankly I’m a little worried he tracked me down so fast,” Chrissie laughs, “but he was worried that you hadn’t come back by supper.”

His tail twitches, but he slowly wanders his way over to her. He wrinkles his nose at the unfamiliar scent of a wolf but jumps onto the bench regardless.

Chrissie raises an eyebrow at him. He growls in a warning.

“He said the oddest thing to me. He said that I should come over sometime so he can meet the girl that’s captured Brian’s heart.”

Brian slumps down on the bench and whines. Chrissie goes to touch him, but he growls again. She places her hand back in her lap. His tail droops over the side and he’s too close to her thigh for him to be completely comfortable with the lack of space between them.

“I’m not going to force you to shift, but I think we can have a more productive conversation if you do.”

Brian whines.

“I know you understand what I’m saying,” Chrissie says, “I know it’s easier to avoid thinking about things when you’re in that form, but that’s not fair to anyone involved.”

He huffs and jumps off the bench. Brian trots into the woods and slowly feels his body shift back into its human form. The change is disorienting as the flood of complex emotions he couldn’t understand while shifted hit him. He doubles over and tries to breathe through the waves of guilt and anxiety. Ones he’s certain he’s not _that_ close to a mental breakdown he slides his clothes back on and moves to join Chrissie at the bench.

She smiles when he emerges.

“There’s a handsome boy.”

Brian rolls his eyes at the use of a “dog voice,” but some of the tension eases from him.

“It’s not you,” Brian says before he sits down, “not that you wouldn’t be great, it’s just. It’s not you.”

Chrissie nods and he sees the disappointment on her face. He looks away, he hadn’t thought that she would want him like that. Then again Roger often teases him that he wouldn’t know someone flirting with him if they were holding up a sign.

“I’m not surprised.”

It hurts worse because she sounds genuine if upset. Brian looks down towards his feet. He could probably shift and run away before Chrissie would have time to react. It would ruin his clothes and he’s almost 70% sure this is John’s shirt.

“You know who it is?”

“I have a guess,” Chrissie smiles sadly, “it’s odd that you never figured it out earlier.”

“What?”

Chrissie looks at him with pursed lips, “that you’re in love with Roger.”

“What?” He’s not sure why that’s the only thing he can say currently.

“I’ve only known you for a few months, but we lykans have a nose about these things. They all smell like you, but Roger smells the most like you.”

Brian sags, there’s no reason to fight against it. He knows, Chrissie knows. The only people that don’t know are the ones he really wants to tell. He can’t do that to them though, to be tied down to a lykan when they have so much to learn about themselves.

“We share a room,” Brian reasons, “but it isn’t just Roger.”  
“John?”

He blinks, “how did you-?”

“I didn’t,” Chrissie says, “but there are only two other people that it could be, unless Freddie too?”

“No. He’s just pack.”

Brian sighs and glances up to the stars. He wonders if there’s a planet out there that doesn’t have souls dictated by a satellite. The math would indicate that there are, several probably. Chrissie places a hand on his shoulder, and he glances back to her.

“I don’t see why you’re out here? The moon is waxing.”

“It’s not that.”

“You don’t think they’d be with you?”

“I think they want to be, and that’s the problem.”  
Chrissie’s eyes narrow, “Brian May–”

He winces.

“Are you telling me that you’re out here because you think your mates are going to accept you instead of say… proving that point?”

“Yes.”

“Brian,” her tone softens.

“No offense, but you’ve only known me for a few months. I know what I’m doing.”

“And that’s what scares me.”

He’s too tired to figure out what that means. Chrissie doesn’t say anything further on the matter. They watch the crescent bob along the horizon. Brian tries to count the stars but keep losing count when he thinks about blue eyes that are brighter than anything in the sky and about a smile that hides more mystery than the further corners of their solar system.

“Why are you out here?”

“I told you, Freddie was worried about you.”

Brian nods, “that’s all?”

“Well,” Chrissie shrugs, “mostly.”

“I can’t go back tonight.”

Brian wants to. It’s a pull in his bones that is trying to drag him back to the flat. He can almost picture the sight, built from a hundred nights worth of memories. Roger “sleeping” on his bed, curled around one of his pillows but enough space for him to curl into. John’s recently joined the trend, shoving Roger to the wall claiming that the nights were getting too cold.

“You can stay with me.”

“Thank you.”

“But you have to call them when we get back to let them know you aren’t dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Roger is probably going to be the one to pick up, but Brian nods. It’s easier to talk on a ten-minute phone call than have to explain himself in person. He vaguely remembers telling them that he was helping Chrissie study. Just before Freddie accused him of having a relationship with her.

“Not from your flat. I don’t want them to know I’m still with you.”

“Oh, they know there’s no still about it,” Chrissie says, “I told them we had canceled our study session, after I realized what you probably had figured out, and then I told them that you had left after I explained it to you.”

“You’re incredible.”

“I try,” Chrissie tosses her hair.

It reminds him of Roger, and he glances away.

“The last thing I’m going to say on this, I swear,” Chrissie turns his head towards her, “but I think not telling them would be the bigger mistake.”

He doesn’t react to her words. Brian knows that she means well, but she doesn’t _know._ Chrissie hadn’t grown up learning to tuck her metaphorical tail every time someone so much as scowled in his direction. She hadn’t seen how human mates of lykans get tossed out of their families and watched by other lykans because they can’t trust anyone who isn’t one of them. They wouldn’t be any kinder to a vampire.

Brian spares the moon one more glance and stands. Chrissie follows him. He navigates the woods with ease and holds onto her hand as they scramble back to the parking lot. There’s a payphone by the Park manager’s cabin. His pockets are empty of change and Chrissie gives him coins with a bemused smile.

No one picks up when he calls (he’s grateful for it, but he also wants to hear Roger or John’s voice. Freddie would do as well). He clears his throat and presses down on the hook before the call could go through. The coins clatter out.

“They didn’t answer.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back?”

Brian swallows. He does. There’s a twisting feeling in his stomach that’s telling him something is wrong despite having no evidence of that. It must be well past midnight, but Roger doesn’t sleep so he should’ve answered unless he was out or he somehow knew it was Brian calling him. He shakes his head.

“No, we can go to your place.”

“If you’re sure.”  
He isn’t.

“I’ll talk to them in the morning, I think we all might need the space.”

“One more thing, I’m sorry I know I said the last thing last time, but you should tell them before your forced shift.”

“No,” he says sharply, “if I tell them, it’s going to be clear from that kind of influence. I can’t pressure them because you know what that implies.”

“But they don’t!”

“Isn’t that all the more reason to?”

“Brian!”

“Actually, I think I’ll walk back to the flat.”

“That’s a thirty-minute walk, Brian, please reconsider! There might be hunters.”

He sniffs, “none.”

Chrissie slams her palm on the hood of her car, “Brian, this is ridiculous!”

“It isn’t. You said you would drop it. You haven’t. This hasn’t anything to do with you, beyond you being a friend who has an idea of what this all means.”

“Sulking about it won’t solve anything.”

He turns away and shoves his hands in his pocket. Chrissie lets out a frustrated groan and then rapid footsteps. Brian neatly dodges the hand that tries to wrap around his forearm.

“Let me drive you to town. I won’t say anything more and I won’t make you come back to my flat.”

Brian bites his cheek.

“As upset as I am with you right now, I wouldn’t be able to settle down knowing you’re wandering around the English countryside.”

“Okay.”

“Thank you,” she says exasperated.

Chrissie keeps her word and they ride back in silence. She pulls over at the first corner store they find to let him out.

“Call me in the morning so I’m really sure you didn’t get murdered.”

“Sure.”

He starts to walk to his flat but then hesitates. Chrissie is still parked and he groans. Brian strides back to her car.

“How about you drive me to my parents?”

“I can do that and thank you.”

* * *

His mom opens the door with a frying pan behind her back. He raises an eyebrow at it.

“Your father is out of town and there are only two reasons your door gets knocked on at two in the morning.”

Brian laughs, “no robber would stand a chance against you.”

She tugs him into a hug and then leads him into the kitchen. His childhood home hasn’t changed much in the time he’s been away. Why he thought it would, he doesn’t know, but now he’s finding comfort in the same honey-colored walls. The daffodil scent he always associates with his mom, despite her smelling like pine needles, fills his head.

“Now, bad news is the second reason anyone comes to the door,” mom says as she sets the cups of tea down, “what’s on your mind pup?”

“How’d you know dad was the one?”

“Well, I just looked at him one day, and thought that this was it.”

Brian nearly sobs. This isn’t a mistaken pack bond. Instead, he rests his cheek on the cool wood of the table. Mom sips her tea patiently. He smiles inwardly if anyone is used to his moods it’s her.

“Let me guess, you’ve found yours?”

He nods.

“But she isn’t a lykan?”

Brian bites back the instant urge to correct her. He barely knows how she’ll handle the idea that he wants to be with someone who isn’t a lykan, much less a male, much less two of them. Oh, this is a mess.

“Something like that.”

“Well, you’re going to have to explain things to her. What it’s like to be partners with a lykan, let her make the choice.”

He nods and his cheek smushes further. His words are slurred when he speaks, “and if, you know–”

“She doesn’t want to?” Mom taps her fingers, “do you think she will? If she doesn’t, you can’t judge her. It’s her choice and all you can do is pray you feel it again.”

It wasn’t the inspiring conversation he was hoping for. Except it makes perfect sense. If he never asks, he never gets his heart broken. There are worse fates than loving from afar.

“Oh, pup,” mom comes around and hugs him, “I’m sorry.”

He isn’t. The loves of his life are two of the greatest men he’s ever met. Roger’s never thought less of him for being a lykan and John hasn’t ever batted an eye at the things he needs to do. They’ll be good together, once they finally figure out what he can see.   

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm. Well. Brian's got himself into a mess. Wonder what everyone else is up to and I wonder what this means for our intrepid Queen fam. As always leave your thoughts and comments below, or come talk to me on tumblr.


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